I have struggled with my beliefs from since as far back as i can remember. Losing you made me really think about what i believe. I want to believe something, anything that could help me understand why i lost you. Were you really taken? I dream of you in heaven, please let there be a heaven. Please let there be angels. At this current time though i am at the belief that there is no reason for anything. Things happen to all of us sometimes good, sometimes bad, bad being a huge understatement in this instance. Was it God decided this was the way it's meant to be?, the devil at work? Probably not. Just nature. Nature that brings us great beauty and also great destruction. Horrible to think of the horribleness of death with no dreamy afterlife. I've heard people say 'people chose god because they're stupid', after all it's easier to believe in divine intervention, right? Wrong. It's not any easier, in fact when you've experienced or witnessed pain and suffering,you have to be a stronger person to still have faith. But death is still death and loss is still loss, pain is still pain, whether you have faith or not. Am I loosing my religion? Which reminds me, when Matteo was fighting for life in the hospital 'Losing my religion' by REM, was one of the songs which sound-tracked that indescribable time. I must try to search for the answers i may never find, perhaps i have to settle with the fact that my beliefs will forever change, i'm sure i'm not the only one.