Matteo didn't sleep well the night before, most newborns don't, do they? He seemed to have a lot of wind. I held him most of the night, he slept better on mummy's chest. Early in the morning I managed to get him to sleep in his crib, he woke around he's usual time to have a feed. He fed quite well but didn't want to settle back to sleep like he'd done all the other mornings, seemed to have lots of wind. We got dressed and I put him my baby carrier, thought this would help him bring up this wind and gave me a chance for extra cuddles. He slept well as i carried him around doing my daily duties and playing with Isabella. A couple of hours later it was feeding time, I took him out of his carrier and tried to wake him for a feed but he seemed too tired and nodded back off to sleep. I continued to carry him around as i got things done. I kept trying to feed him every hour but he didn't seem interested. I thought perhaps he was sleepy today because of the sleepless night. We had our afternoon nap together but again he wouldn't settle in his crib so I held him, kept him warm and kissed him sofly. Nonno arrived, he couldn't wait to hold him, every so often trying to wake him for me for a feed but Matteo was still sleepy. Late afternoon i was starting to get worried as he still hadn't fed but it reminded me of his first day -he didn't feed all day, instead fed all night. The midwife said that was ok! I started to express and feed him with a syringe, just like the midwife suggested. He seemed to be getting a tummy ache, I thought maybe it was something I'd eaten and he didn't like my milk. So I gave him some water, he drank it well. Not long after daddy came home, he could see we were all becoming worried about Matteo. He took him downstairs as I expressed my milk, thinking i'd produce some better tasting milk for him as daddy soothed him. When Antonio brought back upstairs, Matteo looked grey, i kissed his head and he was clammy. I knew then something was wrong. I called the midwife, she told us to take him to a&e "just to be on the safe side". We quickly got Matteo wrapped up and in his carseat, straight into the car to hospital. I sat in the back with him, telling him he'd be ok, we'll be there soon. At the hospital we were quickly seen by a lovely nurse David, who tried his best to keep us calm as he started to find out what was wrong with Matteo. Soon after Drs were called in, they said "he's not breathing properly". The room started to fill with professionals. Matteo wasn't improving so they whisked us all off to the recuss room. I couldn't believe what was happening and I couldn't believe this was serious. He just has a tummy ache, he probably just needs fluids. We watched in horror and sheer disbelief as they tried to stabalise him, for hours we stood/sat there watching our world falling apart but we had faith he was going to make it. An x-ray showed an enlarged heart and liver. How could this be? He needed special intensive care, the transfer team from the Children's hospital were called. It seemed to take soo very long for them to arrive, i couldn't wait for them to arrive, he was sure to make it with their specialist care. They finally arrived and got to work on him straight away, i had faith in them but all the drs faces said it all, they knew he was in trouble. I cannot type what happened next..... we were sent out of the room, to the family room, 45 minutes of torture we waited there.... They called us back to the recuss room... just one look at Matteo and i knew what they were going to say. If they carried on a lot of damage had already been done to his brain and vital organs, he wasn't going to make it. It was easy for me to say stop, I didn't want him to suffer anymore. They took out some of his lines out and placed him my arms. He peacefully passed away, fell asleep forever.